I won't go into extensive detail but we have been given a very bad reputation by our cousins, the Ceratophyllus fasciatus. They were the main transmitter of the bubonic plague, centuries ago, and just as Germans have been maligned because the acts of the few Nazis that ran their country, we Puhl's (or Pulicidae) have been branded as villains by our distant relatives. You may wonder about whom I am talking but you likely know me as a flea (part of the scurrilous assault on our breed).Our race (if I may call it such) has not been especially distinguished if we ignore our major effect on the world through the spreading of the bubonic plague. (This may not have been a complete negative, however, since it set back the overpopulation problem by a couple of centuries and we are likely better able to cope with overpopulation today).Now, after apologies etc. that match those of the principals of this tale, I must add a note of self-promotion. I have a famous ancestor. Unfortunately I don't. . Probably won't want anything to do with my ugly ass, yea he's too fine, next... Oh...My thumb hovered over the avatar of a gorgeous woman posing at a bar in a nightclub. I swiped through her profile and was captivated, she was a fucking goddess. I could feel my breathing shallow as I gawked at her ridiculously perfect body, shocked at how much I wanted to have my way with her."How much rum is in this rum raisin Nala?!" I asked my dog incredulously.That's it, experiment over. While setting down my phone to pet her I inadvertently swiped right on the enchantress."Oh fuck."Doesn't matter, it's not like we'll match up anyway.I set my phone down and went back to the musings of Shonda Rhimes when a few minutes later, my phone buzzed. I stretched over to check it with the spoon still hanging out of my mouth, expecting a message from another Tinder boy before jolting upright with shock."You have a new match!"The spoon dropped from my mouth and clanged onto the marble tile as my heartbeat.
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